The wonder of words

"Speech is the mirror of the soul; as a man speaks, so he is." - Publilius Syrus

I think one of the many gifts of having a young child is rediscovering the magic in the mundane. Things that we take for granted but they are exploring for the first time: as they stand up on their little legs and take their first steps; or the great contortions of their face as they taste new foods; and the wonderful strings of vowels and consonants that soon will form real words.

If you really think about it language is fascinating, how it came about and evolved. Maria Montessori describes it as an expression of agreement among a group that certain sounds mean certain things. Language embodies the uniquely human capacity to learn - an ancient, elegant and forward thrusting continuum of evolution. And I think the way the child learns language really shows how they absorb everything, we don't teach them, nature is their greatest teacher. 

That is why it is so illuminating to follow the teachings of nature, because nature is a teacher, and it teaches the child the most arid part of language. It is a real school with methods . . . One should applaud [the child] but no one takes any notice of him. Much later when he is at the school we have chosen for him, he is given a medal [learns the alphabet] and we say "what a clever teacher he has" - Absorbent Mind, Maria Montessori 

To think from the first trimester of pregnancy, according to Sharifa Oppenheimer, the embryonic brain is responding to the stimulus of the tones of the mother's voice. And when the baby is born, Maria Montessori describes it so eloquently: how language, like a divine music penetrates the baby's soul with everlasting effect. At around 4 months the child perceives that this mysterious music that surrounds him and touches him so deeply, comes from the human mouth. And by 1.5 years they can understand a whole conversation even if they don't have the words to respond. 

Experiencing this first hand with the little lady is so fascinating and also really scary. What sponges little children are, as they learn and grow and create their future and the future of humanity. This evolution feels so vulnerable because it is dependent on me as a parent. What a responsibility! 

Yet I find myself caught in the trap of just wanting a "good" child. A child that behaves and makes my life easier as I'm rushing around to get things done. How short sighted. My mindless "good girls" and "well done" and constant no's" and "stop that" etc. etc. These common phrases are so embedded in my psyche they're automatic and yet so powerful. These phrases are constant reinforcements to our children to look outside of themselves for approval or disapproval. These phrases put conditions on our love for our children. Alphie Kohn in Unconditional Parenting explains that: 

"as a result of praise, children become less able or willing to take pride in their own accomplishments - or to decide what is an accomplishment. ... Even as adults, they continue to rely on other people for validation, feeling thrilled or crestfallen depending on whether a spouse, a supervisor, or someone else in whom they have vested power tells them they've done a good job"  

Another great book is Children: The Challenge written in the seventies, Dreikurs noted we have evolved beyond the autocratic system of a patriarchal society and yet our words have not. He describes the subtle difference between praise and encouragement. I think that encouragement takes more presence of mind and separates the behaviour from the child. But I need to look into this a bit more and really work on being mindful of my words, after all the future of the human race depends on it! I'll keep you posted. 

So yes language is fascinating and when I think about it, it's not just the wonder of how our children acquire words, but also how powerful our words are for them.