The wonder of words

"Speech is the mirror of the soul; as a man speaks, so he is." - Publilius Syrus

I think one of the many gifts of having a young child is rediscovering the magic in the mundane. Things that we take for granted but they are exploring for the first time: as they stand up on their little legs and take their first steps; or the great contortions of their face as they taste new foods; and the wonderful strings of vowels and consonants that soon will form real words.

If you really think about it language is fascinating, how it came about and evolved. Maria Montessori describes it as an expression of agreement among a group that certain sounds mean certain things. Language embodies the uniquely human capacity to learn - an ancient, elegant and forward thrusting continuum of evolution. And I think the way the child learns language really shows how they absorb everything, we don't teach them, nature is their greatest teacher. 

That is why it is so illuminating to follow the teachings of nature, because nature is a teacher, and it teaches the child the most arid part of language. It is a real school with methods . . . One should applaud [the child] but no one takes any notice of him. Much later when he is at the school we have chosen for him, he is given a medal [learns the alphabet] and we say "what a clever teacher he has" - Absorbent Mind, Maria Montessori 

To think from the first trimester of pregnancy, according to Sharifa Oppenheimer, the embryonic brain is responding to the stimulus of the tones of the mother's voice. And when the baby is born, Maria Montessori describes it so eloquently: how language, like a divine music penetrates the baby's soul with everlasting effect. At around 4 months the child perceives that this mysterious music that surrounds him and touches him so deeply, comes from the human mouth. And by 1.5 years they can understand a whole conversation even if they don't have the words to respond. 

Experiencing this first hand with the little lady is so fascinating and also really scary. What sponges little children are, as they learn and grow and create their future and the future of humanity. This evolution feels so vulnerable because it is dependent on me as a parent. What a responsibility! 

Yet I find myself caught in the trap of just wanting a "good" child. A child that behaves and makes my life easier as I'm rushing around to get things done. How short sighted. My mindless "good girls" and "well done" and constant no's" and "stop that" etc. etc. These common phrases are so embedded in my psyche they're automatic and yet so powerful. These phrases are constant reinforcements to our children to look outside of themselves for approval or disapproval. These phrases put conditions on our love for our children. Alphie Kohn in Unconditional Parenting explains that: 

"as a result of praise, children become less able or willing to take pride in their own accomplishments - or to decide what is an accomplishment. ... Even as adults, they continue to rely on other people for validation, feeling thrilled or crestfallen depending on whether a spouse, a supervisor, or someone else in whom they have vested power tells them they've done a good job"  

Another great book is Children: The Challenge written in the seventies, Dreikurs noted we have evolved beyond the autocratic system of a patriarchal society and yet our words have not. He describes the subtle difference between praise and encouragement. I think that encouragement takes more presence of mind and separates the behaviour from the child. But I need to look into this a bit more and really work on being mindful of my words, after all the future of the human race depends on it! I'll keep you posted. 

So yes language is fascinating and when I think about it, it's not just the wonder of how our children acquire words, but also how powerful our words are for them. 

Connecting with my blog

Wow a moment to myself, the little lady is sleeping on me (I just took this self-portrait with my phone), the dinner is in the oven and most of the accounts are done for the cafe (well actually they're not really!).

So I've been messing about with this blog for too long. I just have to stop procrastinating and get blogging. Typical me, I start to over think things rather than act on stuff, then the moment passes and my thoughts are no longer relevant.

I've been thinking, am I wasting my time starting this up (because if I start I really want to commit to it). Who will want to listen to what I've to say? Who am I to say anything anyway? And if I say something will it come back to bite me? Is this going to be one big distraction for me that no one is going to read, the little lady will be neglected, my business will collapse, and the dinner will get burnt. Not to mention my husband and his creased shirts (yea right, I don't actually iron them!).

But you know I really need to get my brain working again. Since becoming a mother I've had so many thoughts on life, children, education, the future and society. These thoughts are literally wrecking my head. I know, obviously becoming a parent is life-changing, but I didn't expect certain changes. Firstly, I no longer just want to think, I want to act on these thoughts and change the future for my child. And secondly, motherhood, so far, has found me doing things I never would have imagined myself doing, such as breast feeding my toddler (more about that later). I'm on a journey where my instinct is leading rather than my head, and that's really unusual for me.

Life is changing so much and so fast, we're rapidly evolving and I'm wondering if we are evolving in the right direction. And how do we equip our children for such a dynamic, fast-paced world? I was talking to my friend Clare Healy Walls the other day about the Internet and how transformative it's been. She was saying how she feels the internet could really be used to embrace the montessori concept for independent learning. Which I thought was a wonderful way of looking at it. Any parent I've spoken to with older children has a fear around the Internet. Clare has offered to do a guest blog here, so she might expand on this at a later point.

That conversation got me thinking, because when I think of how I would hope society to evolve I think in spiritual, being present, embracing nature, sort of stuff. I've always thought of the Internet as being the antithesis of that. So now I feel that this online community I hope to tap into, of like-minded people, is the new evolving community. The key is not only to be wired to the world wide web, but also to be deeply rooted in local life. And to let one feed into the other and together a force of evolution toward a happier, sustainable world will occur. Will this blog see a primary montessori school open in my community, or will I just end up wired, only time will tell.

So this is me embracing the internet, which truth be told I find a bit scary. Kind of like shouting out in a crowded room, I'm just not sure if the crowd are wearing earplugs or if I even have a voice!

I know a blog is generally a one sided affair but if you have something to say, add, contradict, vent or whatever, please do connect, and don't be shy, reply!

I am committing to doing an entry at least once a week. I plan to talk about whatever issues I'm facing and how I'm personally dealing (or not) with them. I will also keep updating on the goal of finding the right education for my daughter. You can also follow through email or via facebook.

So this is the beginning of the journey as I evolve as a parent. I'm excited but I really have to sign off as the pasta is seriously over cooked (that's the beginnings of it now!).

Richael x